Raeal » Love Triangle

October 3, 2008

Love Triangle

Filed under: Columns — Raeal @ 2:58 pm

Recently, a friend of mine is embroiled in a love triangle. The ex-boyfriend of his girlfriend has come into the picture and asked her to go back to be with him. For the sake of anonymity, allow me to use pseudo names to address my friend as John, his girlfriend as Jane and the ex-boyfriend as Frank in this column.

Now, Frank has known Jane for nearly ten years but they had parted some years back. My friend John has only got to know Jane for a year before he proposed recently. Before the proposal, everything was, in his words, “perfect”. They saw each other almost every day and have so much to share that they sometimes chatted overnight in 24 hours café. To friends, they were very close and almost the ideal couple. John mentioned that they have so much similarity in their lives; I have no doubts they are soul mates.

After all, if he cannot love himself, how can he truly love another?

After the proposal however, things seemed to change for the worse. John could not help but noticed a difference in his girlfriend’s attitude. Jane was becoming more distant and upon further pressing, she pointed out that they were seeing each other too much and she was losing a life of her own. John did recognize the problem and he was determined to improve the situation but the relationship deteriorated further.

It was after this time that John first revealed the situation to me. Thinking that this is a very common problem among relationships, I suggested that he should try to love himself more. I felt then that he might have come to base his own happiness on his girlfriend. After all, if he cannot love himself, how can he truly love another?

Similarly, many relationships today are unbalanced, including my own past relationships.

Another friend of mine is so “controlled” by his wife that he has to ask permission to meet his friends. It sounds absurd but this seems to be much more common than we have probably realized. In this case, his wife has a dependency issue. She has come to base and weigh her happiness around her husband. “What do I do when you are not around?” She retorts and “declares” that her husband is responsible for ensuring her happiness.

This is such a misunderstood notion in our society today.

Firstly, many people firmly believed that a marriage must last forever. And my parents struggle till today in an abusive roller-coaster relationship because they try to conform to society’s expectation that marriage must continue no matter what. Yet, marriage is a man-made institution and there are couples who are never married but live more happily than many married couples ever were.

When we are done with our lessons and experiences or when relationships no longer serve us, we move on.

Besides, we are really genderless souls who have reincarnated hundreds to thousands of lifetimes on planet Earth alone. We have been male, female, gay and lesbians. We also have had countless boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives, flings, affairs and other lovers. There is simply no such thing as living happily ever after, in the most literal sense.

Much metaphysical studies and teachings have shown that we planned to be in relationships to learn from each other. When we are done with our lessons and experiences or when relationships no longer serve us, we move on. Each relationship, romantic or not, is there to mirror our own magnificence and perceived flaws. All the love we have ever wanted is already within ourselves.

… we need to recognize that we have many soul mates and we enter and leave relationships for various reasons.

I am not saying that we cannot attempt to form a lasting relationship with our partners till death (or more accurately, a transition to spirit). But we need to recognize that we have many soul mates and we enter and leave relationships for various reasons. It is also that some of us may not choose to experience one-life one-relationship situations but form several meaningful relationships instead.

Secondly, men and women alike, have this misconceived notion that they will have happiness and joy once they have found a partner. Or to put it another way, people expect their partner to make them happy. We can often see in men and women magazines with headlines like “Ten ways to make your partner happy”. In addition, advertisements promise their products will help you win the hearts of your partner. Too many humans have come to believe that their happiness is derived from external sources. And then man and woman start to blame each other for their lack of happiness.

Back to the love triangle story, John did not feel any improvements as time went on. He began to suspect that there could be a third party.

In the meantime, he felt much stress, went through intense emotions and started developing problems with his stomach. I was not too surprised when he told me about this. Our solar plexus chakra is found around our abdominal area and this chakra is where our emotional energies are held. Energy must flow. It has to be released or transmuted in one way or another. In John’s case, he has kept pretty much to himself and the blocked energies could have manifested physically as the stomach problems he faced.

After some time, Jane finally confirmed John’s suspicion that her ex-boyfriend wanted her back. She has feelings for both and does not know who to choose. By most “standards” and especially among romantic die-hards, this turn of events may make John look like a victim of circumstances and Frank as the “bad” guy who should not have broken up a couple. Yet, my friend managed it quite well and even offered some understanding that Frank and Jane have after all, known each other much longer than he did.

I also shared something interesting with John.

As a part-time past life regressionist, I once had a lady client who had problems with her husband. There was a third party - another woman who had come in between the two of them and she had wanted to know why.

My client had regressed to a lifetime during the medieval times when she was a male soldier. She found “himself” being chased in the woods by troops. To find out why “he” was being hunted, I asked the client to go back to an earlier scene in time. She then saw that as the soldier, he had flirted with his captain’s wife and the captain had ordered his capture and killed him eventually.

Interestingly, my client was the third party in that past lifetime, the captain the third party today and the captain’s wife her husband now. The three of them have come back to replay the drama in this lifetime but in switched roles. The complicated problem did not resolve immediately for my client but through the session, she had gained a better understanding and more acceptance of the situation.

I suggested to John that his situation could be something similar. As a joke, I even suggested that Frank could have been a couple with him in a past life. In this lifetime, they might have agreed to come together again to resolve and release this energy.

I feel that the way to move forward is that each of them must base their next decision on love and not from fear.

Like a light bulb went on, John immediately recalled that the three of them had just been in the same area together the previous night and he had found the coincidence most amusing. He was at a petrol station to refill his car when he bumped into Frank. And John also realised that Jane’s car was parked nearby. She was apparently in another friend’s house visiting and yet all three of them did not realise the others were going to be there beforehand. There is clearly more to this fate that surrounds them.

As I am writing this, John and Frank are still waiting for Jane to decide who she wanted to be with. What should he do? John had asked and I was looking for the words to comfort him. I was then accessing my higher self when I received an insight.

My feeling is that in order to move forward, each of them must base their next decision on love and not from fear. This is the only way to ensure that the energy is completed, released and not replayed again in another painful love triangle.

I believe the three souls know each other in spirit. Out of love, they had planned to incarnate and play the various roles in this difficult situation in order to resolve certain energies.

How will this story end? Is Jane going to choose John or Frank or perhaps nobody? Maybe the three of them will end up as good friends?

I do not know but I am glad John has the answer himself: “I already told her to go back to Frank if she is happier that way. I just hope she will be happy.” And my dear friend, John, has made his choice out of love. We can only hope that the others will do the same and the consequence the highest good for all involved.

I also tried to cheer up John and made him see that he has really nothing to lose. Either Jane chooses to stay with him or perhaps he will meet another woman who is more suitable and loves him the way he wishes for.

And when the three of them return home to spirit, they will probably pat on each other’s back and marvel at the drama they have played out, for whatever reasons.

This is my September column at Cosmic Lighthouse Metaphysics Magazine.